Pet Drama Enthusiast Gifts

"Big deal! You're still all bums to me."

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

"Another slander suit!"

"Shhh! I'm hiding from Mistress who wants to go on a walk! It's cold and raining outside: no way I'm wearing that stupid coat again!"

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

'Do you have to do that every time?'

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

"Out! Damned Spot!"

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"See. I told you they have Roomba Rodeos when we're gone."

Cat Chores

Dog makes cats float with helium.

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

"Can you play something the neighbor's dog doesn't know?"

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat when I stay perfectly still...'

Animal Translations.

'It didn't start out this way.'

"I don't know about you, but I am delighted by all this incongruity."

'You have the right to remain silent.'

"Here it comes, another one of his classic non-apologies."

'I bit them and ran!' 'While the Doberman was giving them trouble,I bolted!'

"I strongly suggest that you reinvent yourself!"

'She even lies about her dog's age!'

'Letter carriers and dogs living together...next on Springer...'

'They get along beautifully. The dog thinks he's a cat, and the cat thinks she's a dog.'

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there?? I wish!!

'Mum! Next door's puppy is over in our garden again!'

"What's this? A hypoallergenic hair?"