Pet Drama Enthusiast Pillows

"Big deal! You're still all bums to me."

'Oh come on! I can't be that bad!'

"Shhh! I'm hiding from Mistress who wants to go on a walk! It's cold and raining outside: no way I'm wearing that stupid coat again!"

"Another slander suit!"

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"Listen, that's a Tang Dynasty urn we just broke."

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'No Sandra, I don't hear a whistle either. '

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"Out! Damned Spot!"

"See. I told you they have Roomba Rodeos when we're gone."

Cat Chores

Dog makes cats float with helium.

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat when I stay perfectly still...'

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

Animal Translations.

'It didn't start out this way.'

"I strongly suggest that you reinvent yourself!"

"I don't know about you, but I am delighted by all this incongruity."

'You have the right to remain silent.'

"Here it comes, another one of his classic non-apologies."

'I bit them and ran!' 'While the Doberman was giving them trouble,I bolted!'

'She even lies about her dog's age!'

"What part of 'Caw' can't you understand?"

It's a dog-eat-dog world out there?? I wish!!

"What's this? A hypoallergenic hair?"

"You're seeing this, right? And you wonder why we fight."

'They get along beautifully. The dog thinks he's a cat, and the cat thinks she's a dog.'