Pet Care Comedians Pillows

'If he has worms can we take him fishing?'

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

Conversation between Dogs.

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

Cat Blog.

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

Hang Time Fido

'Nonsense, Melvin! Who ever heard of a tapeworm that big?'

'Why do they refuse to drink water out of a bowl that's been left out for two hours, but go gaga over toilet water?'

101 uses of a dead cat: bagpipe

"I'm retired now"

'Can't read this one either. Think anyone would mind if I just rolled around in them?'

'Fluffy's biological clock went off today.'

"Sometimes I think you guys don't want peace."

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Here's a stupid question...are you getting enough sleep?'

'Now you do know she needs a bath every week and an oil change every 3000 miles?'

'I said - MOVE IT!'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

"Darling, this dog food is delicious!"

Animal Translations.

What if pets did housework...

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

'Yeah, well, my guy idolizes me so much that he collects my poop in a bag and takes it home with him.'

Sorry Dear, until they put mice into tins you'll have to make do with chicken.

Dog buries bone in cat litter

'They're flea bargaining.'