Pet Care Comedians Pillows

'If he has worms can we take him fishing?'

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

Conversation between Dogs.

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

"He's a rescue, and before that he was in Vaudeville."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

"Want to see me make him beg, roll over and shake?"

"You've had dogs, cats, birds and even a pony. . . how come your only pets that survive are fish, Arielle?"

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

Hang Time Fido

'Why do they refuse to drink water out of a bowl that's been left out for two hours, but go gaga over toilet water?'

'Nonsense, Melvin! Who ever heard of a tapeworm that big?'

101 uses of a dead cat: bagpipe

'Can't read this one either. Think anyone would mind if I just rolled around in them?'

"I'm retired now"

"Sometimes I think you guys don't want peace."

"Darling, this dog food is delicious!"

'Fluffy's biological clock went off today.'

Why hamsters don't sleep at night.

'Like I was saying, Angus, I'm the master, you're the dog.'

'Here's a stupid question...are you getting enough sleep?'

'I said - MOVE IT!'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

What if pets did housework...

Animal Translations.

'Scalpel, dammit! Scalpel!'

"I don't know about you, but I am delighted by all this incongruity."

Sorry Dear, until they put mice into tins you'll have to make do with chicken.

Worst person to invest with...

'They're flea bargaining.'