Personnel Consultant Gifts

"So when it comes to selecting staff these are the qualities I'm looking for!"

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Who's got the hammer?"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

Fish and color

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

Office temperature.

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Targets.

'Miss Finch, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"