Personnel Consultant Pillows

"So when it comes to selecting staff these are the qualities I'm looking for!"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Who's got the hammer?"

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"I'm Jackson, your new micro-manager."

"I see we're going up against the Big Guys."

"It's Swamp & Swallow - they're making an offer we can't refuse!"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

Fish and color

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"May I offer a very different scenario?"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'...And for the low visibility positions we can bring people on board who can, you know...do things.'

Office temperature.

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Targets.

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"