Hr Consultant Pillows

'Due to the threat of litigation, I can only confirm that he worked here...if THAT'S what you want to call it.'

'I don't think the employment tribunal will be altogether happy with the third column.'

'Good to see you back at work.'

"This is Mr Smith, he's our new recruitment expert."

'So you don't think generously subsidised biscuits will be enough?'

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

'HR fired me because of an 'unstable job demand'. When I demanded a decent wage, they said I was unstable.'

'Management is very concerned about 'work life' balance, particularly where back room staff are concerned...We think you give too much, you need to get your lives back.'

'The good news is that we have doubled our staff without adding more space.'

'It's not a pay cut - I prefer to call it a salary correction.'

I'm sorry, but I have to let you go, Harpic- the office is going open-plan.

"You can have your old job back if you can find it."

"How flexible are we on the issue of flex time?"

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Businesswoman Empowerment

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."