Hr Specialist Pillows

'Apparently many companies experience problems including: a lack of direction, poor accountability, lack of respect among members, pushing personal agendas, poor communication ...'

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

'Sure, it seems harmless, but you hire one human and the next thing you know, they're taking your job.'

'Right we need an urgent response to our productivity problems...'

Employee has been left out of the loop.

Skills and experience held back by bureaucracy and protocols.

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'Will you shut up, Sims? I'm busy trying to upgrade my interpersonal skills.'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Gentlemen, we need new blood!'

There are better responses to 'change' than running around the office screaming 'We're doomed!'

'I like to reward my employees for doing a good job. That's why I keep treats in my pockets when I walk past the cubicles.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"errrm..I think I'll phone a friend."

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

While he supported Ann's right to express her opinion, Don felt she needed to hone her people skills a bit.

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

"It's all about teamwork. We even have our own mascot."

'What I lack in experience I make up for in wildly unrealistic self-confidence.'

"We're interested in words, not deeds."

Motivation: No Recognition, Poor Rewards, Bureaucracy.

To prevent human error, the power station only employed trained seals.

'Nobody has seen as many employees and CEOs coming and going as you have, Higgins. How long have you worked here now?'

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

"Hands up anyone who thinks we have a problem with DIVERSITY?"

'Hiring is alright but for a real kick you can't beat firing.'

'Actually, we're just drawing up the short list for that particular job right now. . .'

The Bermuda Cubicle

Unflexible boss.

'I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go. You're been giving 110%.'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

"We added it just for the millenials."

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'I start the morning with a warm 'Hello!' then downgrade through the day to a nod until I finally lose eye contact altogether.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"