Hr Strategist Pillows

"Murray's the guy you replaced. He's decided to fight to get his job back."

Impersonnel Dept.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Staff support"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

How leaders fail

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Outer Space Outsourcing

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

"I hate performance review season."

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

'What's wrong now?'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'