Hr Professional Pillows

'Who vetted that leader?'

"I need someone well versed in the art of torture- do you know PowerPoint?"

Communication Breakdowns

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

'First off, there's no 'y' in resume...'

"I never thought I'd see the day, they're taking our suggestions seriously at last!"

Before Corporate Training/After Corporate Training

"At least you didn't get the axe."

'It helps to be a little crazy to work here, but you're overqualified.'

"You weren't expecting a walrus, right?"

"That's my sock drawer- I just wanted you to see how organized I am."

'Being a roady for the rock band Pearl Jam is cool, but I don't see how that qualifies you to head-up our HR department.'

"Welcome abroad, Andrews. Now just see personnel on twelve, and antlers on fifteen."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'I should fire you! But quite frankly I can have much more fun if I keep you on and make your life a living hell.'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

We find this model works better for us!

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

'I'm afraid you'll have to work late tonight, I want you to attend this talk on work-life balance.'

Accident Free Days 14?3.

'Mr Frimley, sir, can I have a word about the motivational artwork...'

'I think we need to take another look at your risk-management strategy.'

"You don't get an office. You get cargo pants."

'That's true. We did advertise for someone who 'works well under pressure'...'

'We're looking for managers that demonstrate high levels of emotional intelligence. Here, please try on this mood ring.'

'I've been restructured.'

'You're out here because you're supposed to receive a performance review? I'm out here because I'm supposed to give one!'

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'See how much easier it is when we all work together.'

Feedback doesn't need to be negative.

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

'HR says we should be looking for a little fresh blood any idea what they're talking about?'

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

"Oh dear did we neglect to read the contract thoroughly?"