Perplexity Ponderer Gifts

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Chiller Theatre

"Have you been playing dice?"

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

'According to creation mathematicians, all of Euclid's theories were originally found etched into rocks.'

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'Oh, so now the ocean isn't GOOD enough for you?'

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Needs to get a life"

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

Sauce for the Goose

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"When we're home, are we still aliens?"

Optimist

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Is this who I am?"

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'