Perpetual Teenager Gifts

"According to my fantasy sports site, I don't want to grow up."

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 21

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

Wow. Totaled. Teen Test Dummy.

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

'You can stick your filthy shell. I'm listening to the Arctic Monkeys.'

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'I'm not doing well in Chemistry - I'm out of my element.'

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'For God's sake give me some angst, how will I ever write a misery memoir?'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

Modern Kids.

"Allowance?! Yeah, if you take out the trash, I'll allow you to keep living here."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Thirty Two

'Oi son, you're not going out dressed like that.'

Mu-ther!! Pu-lease! I already have cleaned my room. I vant to be left alone! So when are the drama club auditions? Everyday.

Do you ever wonder if there's really a higher power? What do you mean? Is there an all-knowing being that keeps track of you? That always knows where you are

"My best friend is my phone."

Did you let the global warming skeptics into eco club? Yeah. It went fine. We agreed to work on today's environmental problems. We don't have to wait 50 years to clean up toxic waste dumps! Amen.

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

What are you looking for in a college? A strong environmental program. Ok. Pick 4 or 5 we could visit. I've got 3 days for the trip. There's one in Ohio. Can do. One in Maine, Iowa and California. You need a good geography program. Here's another one. Where's St. Paul?

'Hand over the last one now kid or you're getting my fist for Christmas!'