Performance Procrastinators Gifts

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

"Never do today what someone else can do tomorrow."

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

"This next song's from the soundtrack to the film of the book I never got around to writing."

The Graveyard of Past Deadlines

Procrastinators Incorporated

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

Working from home to-do list.

"Have you ever had one of those days when it would have been easier just to do some work?"

'I prefer to work vicariously as opposed to remotely.'

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

"We've had to introduce measures lately to stop the entomology department from knocking off early on a Friday."

"I hate going into a staff meeting without a clear exit strategy."

"My five least favorite words in the world: By End of the Day Friday!"

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. That's a relief! How much can they expect out of your on your first day?

Invaders from Planet Manava.

The meeting will start a little late, intelligence is lost in the building somewhere.

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

The Procrastinatorium.

As the horrible signs began to appear, students would go to any length to avoid seeing them.

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'Do excuse Ed's immobility - he's being regulated.'