Performance Metrics Ponderer Gifts

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'We need to have a shake-up!'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Max Weber

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"