Productivity Ponderer Gifts

'We need to have a shake-up!'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Each week I give 100% of myself to this job, at the rate of 20% per day.'

'That's the one day we experimented with giving our employees guaranteed job security.'

"Waiting for some customers to call?!"

"I don't know, between days off and off-days, I never seem to get anything done."

"Remember the good old days, when being busy was enough? All this new emphasis on productivity, quality control and measurable outcomes is making my head spin!"

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

'The efficiency experts we hired will need an extra week to finish their report.'

'Studies show more people are living into their 90's and we're smarter.'

"In an effort to enhance productivity we will drop the 'O' from 'OK'... K?"

Bill couldn't explain it but every day around 3 o'clock he would hit the wall.

"I find I'm way more productive when I don't prioritize."

"I solved the maze in fifty-three seconds, but it was a Monday level."

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"How many people work here? About half."

"While you're not busy we've a few more things we'd like you to do!"

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

"No wonder we can't get anything done. Our information is in the Cloud, and our workers are in a fog."

"Slow down! You're becoming a monomaniac over multitasking!"

"Baxter, why are you agitating for a 30 hour work week? That's 10 more hours than you work now."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"I need to relax. . . I need to be productive. . . I need to not need!. . . Okay maybe I overreacted."

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'If you weren't self employed, you'd be fired by now!'

"Same thing every year. You can't get them to do a blessed thing the week between Christmas and New Year's."

"No, the computers are fine. It's my attention span that's down."

'You'll find the UK down there!'

'Oh... you got the alphabet subliminal soup!'

'I just don't believe in doing things in a hurry.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'