Workplace Ponderer Gifts

Personnel. I figure since every boss tells you to forget everything you learned in school, not learning anything to begin with puts me ahead of the pack.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'We need to have a shake-up!'

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'Leave my biscuit in my in-tray. I'll deal with it in the morning.'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Max Weber

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

'And the recruiter from IBM - did you also tell him that at college you mostly sat on a rock by the sea, trying to find yourself?'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

GDP and G&T.

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

I see

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Caption Contest TK

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."