Occupational Ponderer Gifts

'Well, if you can't stand confrontation, why on earth did you become a bullfighter?'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

'The organizational structure is pretty simple: We do the work; they take the credit.'

'We need to have a shake-up!'

Waiting for Pants

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'At least I don't have his life.'

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Max Weber

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'We'll skip that rubbish.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

'Turn your thinking cap around, Robert.'