Performance Metrics Ponderer Mugs

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

'We need to have a shake-up!'

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

"The UWS association for the advancement of A.I."

Experience-Productivity Ratio / Age-Salary Ratio.

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"The trouble is, professor, you see the Erlenmeyer flask half empty and I see it half full."

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

Max Weber

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

"What's with kids nowadays? Walking upright's not good enough for you?"

Telling Self to Buzz Off

"Sure, but what have you invented lately?"

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"When I said you're doing a hell of a job, Krueger, I didn't mean it as a compliment!"

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."