Performance Improver Gifts

'I must say, Simms, when you're hot you're HOT but when you're not you're NOT!'

"Looks like we found the issue."

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

Tool Box

"Bravo!"

"Well, he promised you the moon and stars."

Conservation Area

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

'Ray's as excited as...well...as excited as a guy who just bought a snowblower on the eve of a storm.'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'Well, that's fixed that.'

The Day Dreamer.

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'Don't you think it's time you did something about the draught in here?'

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

'Please excuse the mess. The interior decorators are in.'

Man's best friend

"Our smart home sure is sensitive. Every time I hammer a nail in the wall it screams."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

I'm sorry Miss, but your artistic license has expired.

"When you get a minute, I have some kitchen shelves you can put up."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"I told you you'd made that cat flap too big."

Wall mountable TVs.