Career Improver Gifts

A fight in the Boardroom.

Reach for the Star.

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

37 years in the same position.

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"#Win!"

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

The rope to success.

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Considering she started here as an office temp she's done quite well.

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Mountain Tops Incorporated

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Planned service changes

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

Tweaking the CV.

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"How can CEO salaries continue to be so out of whack?"

"You're kidding! I used to be an economist myself!"