Career Improver Mugs

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents.

A fight in the Boardroom.

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

Reach for the Star.

37 years in the same position.

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

"#Win!"

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

'You'll be happy to see that I've finally managed to turn things around.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

The rope to success.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"I've finally arrived. The C.E.O. stopped saying 'who the hell are you' whenever he sees me."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Considering she started here as an office temp she's done quite well.

'Hunting and gathering doesn't sound very interesting, so I have decided to become a consultant.'

Mountain Tops Incorporated

I'm stepping out to look for a better job...

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Planned service changes

Men Win Again

"I was doing well in school and planning to be a computer programmer - but somewhere along the way I must have taken a wrong turn."

'But the good news is, I still get a big bonus.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"Screw this—I'm going to work for the tabloids."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

Tweaking the CV.

"How can CEO salaries continue to be so out of whack?"