Interview Improver Gifts

"So when did you interest in health and safety start?"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"Great session, you guys - nice to see you both smiling again."

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'What's your usual response to criticism?' - 'Extreme surprise.'

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'I'm not really a super hero. I padded my resume.'

"And this is the traditional alternative."

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."