Interview Improver Prints

"So when did you interest in health and safety start?"

"Looks like we found the issue."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"Has anyone else noticed that the efficiency experts seem a little robotic?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"Great session, you guys - nice to see you both smiling again."

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'What's your usual response to criticism?' - 'Extreme surprise.'

'I've had tight deadlines, if that's what you mean by performing well under pressure.'

'I'm not really a super hero. I padded my resume.'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

Personnel. Do I believe the ends justify the means? I don't know. I never get that far with anything.