Career Improvement Gifts

'I'm the boss who promised change...Griswell, you're fired! Segmott, you have Griswell's job.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

In basket-case.

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

A fight in the Boardroom.

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Reach for the Star.

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."