Career Advancement Gifts

'A career? A life? Isn't that a conflict of interest?'

"I made partner!"

Woman walks past a sign in an office that reads "Sycophant of the month".

"I'm sorry. When I told everybody that we started in the mailroom together, I didn't realize you were still there."

Corporate ladders for men and women

"That's a very good suggestion, perhaps one of the men would like to make it?"

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

'The trouble with opportunity is that it comes disguised as hard work.'

"How's my presentation? Call 1-800-..."

"Did you think the ladder of success would be straight up?"

In basket-case.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'I agree... He's had a brilliant career trajectory. But a lot of people sure got hurt along the way.'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"I used to lose my secretaries because they were getting married - now they leave to start their own companies."

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

'Dude, touring with a punk rock band was fun, but what I'd really like to do is be CEO of a fortune 500 company.'

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

'I hate his kind. They use their integrity and hard work to advance their careers.'

There now, that wasn't too difficult was it!

Responsibility and duties

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Congratulations on your promotion, Bob, but I should tell you that no one has lasted over a month at the Department of What Could Possibly Go Wrong.

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Honey, I'm home.'

'I need someone to fill my shoes and be in them when the SEC come calling.'

"I'm not going to lie to you. That's what Hendricks is here for."

"I deserve a raise.'

'If you can control your emotions I will make you a branch manager. Yippee.'

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

'If you really want that promotion, Barnes, you'll swim back to the boat and get my laptop.'

'We're ready to move you to the top, Hopkins... but we don't know how much loneliness you can tolerate.'

'At least it's steady work.'

"I am dressed for the job I want."

"On a show of hands, do we let Miss Brimshaw into our den."