People With A Morbid Sense Of Humor Pillows

"Technically, it's not your time yet, but we were sick of your complaining."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

One of Dracula's 'coffin mournings'.

'Can I get a box for this?'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

Death Watch

Preserved head and mobile phone.

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

"Ooh, Igor — a dead rat! You shouldn’t have!"

'He was a bit of a showoff.'

"Ouch! You’re killing me!"

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Death model.

"Spoiler alert! You won't be needing those warm clothes."

'You can come back as a zombie OR a ghost, Randy, but not both.'

"What can I say? Tough split."

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

101 uses of a dead cat: toast fork

Vulture waits outside operating theatre.

Dancing with death.

'Barlow must be the dessert.'

'I wouldn't buy any long term magazine subscriptions.'

'Oh-oh, rigor mortis... that ain't good.'

"Mom, Dad – this is Gloria."

With smoking banned, what left for me to look forward to? Just drinking myself to death?

Undertaker's Staff Party (drinks are on the hearse).