Morbid Humor Lover Pillows

'I don't think you quite grasp our overall motif.'

'Well, the good news is, our signal fire seems to have worked...'

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Death model.

'Hurry up, they're coming in already.'

"Spoiler alert! You won't be needing those warm clothes."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Crap from the future.

Apple Pie Abduction

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

The Monroe Doctrine

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

Honest Voting Stickers

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

"Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped insisting on your uncle Bill being here for Christmas?"

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Think tanks.

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'Can I get a box for this?'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Police Lineup Escape

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."

Traders joining Wall Street protests

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff,'

Dollars Press Conference

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"