Morbid Joke Lover Pillows

"You folks ready, or do you need more time?"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your shoe's untied.'

"I told you playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey was a dumb idea."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"The hyenas started it."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"It says: 'The teamwork that got you here is the real treasure.' Aww."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Vegetarian Birds

Doggone

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

Your lobster was off!

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

'I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes.'

Man see a sign on door of Clayton's Jokes & Gags Shopee - 'Please Use Second Door To The Right'

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"I'm gonna be a 'New Yorker' cartoonist. You're not supposed to understand it."

What do you suggest we do about this?

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

Next to Nothing

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...