Pensioner Pal Gifts

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

God taking iceburgs with ice tongs for his whisky.

'After hours of rehearsing together, little Judy Barlow is going to play 'Three Blind Mice' while her father screams, 'Keep that racket down, will ya?''

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

Intellectual Property

"According to my calculations...school starts in exactly 20 days!"

Doctors

"Be or be not. There is no question."

'Pull...'

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'Oh my - hasn't he grown!'

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

Deadlines, kill fees. Who comes up with these terms?

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"Can I borrow a pen?"

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

"The bailouts are nice but my retirement remains finding drugs that washed up on the beach."

List making as therapy.

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

'Bad luck Harry, they've just raised the retirement age.'

"The only joints we roll these days are our ankles."

Only Percy seemed happy that the Titanic was taking on water.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."