Pension Player Gifts

Man trying to grab a pension from a crane slot machine

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Mismanagement Consultant.

"Scary stuff, but I'm not sure the world is ready for the unexpurgated story of life as a pensions adviser!"

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

Dick rode through the night, the job offer to become a Pension Investment Opportunities Advisor was just too good to miss.

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"But Tim has tremendous faith in modern technology...he's looking for an 'Foolproof pension investment strategy in uncertain markets and a potentially imploding Eurozone' app!"

'How many pension fund managers does it take to change a lightbulb...?'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

"I'm afraid your Christmas present hasn't gone down too well!"

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"The technical aspects of the 'dashboard' are mainly resolved. Now we just have to sort out the peripheral services."

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"Department of infernal affairs. How may I misdirect your employee pension plan?"

"The pensions industry needs to dramatically improve the way we communicate with customers."

"But the good news is that if you get a life threatening illness...then you'd get a decent payout."

Pension Matters

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

The Pension Fund Fairy.

"Pensions is a complicated business."

Colin was always looking for new ways to communicate complex financial products.

"Plan B was to supplement my retirement income as a party clown, and that brings me to my loan application."

"Brexit could lead to ARMAGEDDON for the pensions industry..."

'You have no pension. Have you thought about running a pension in France?'

'We have a wide range of Annuities'