Pension Puzzler Pillows

Colin was always looking for new ways to communicate complex financial products.

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

"A 12 month tour of the USA costs us less than staying at home for a year."

Department of Work and No Pension

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

'The money you've saved to last through your old age is gone and, h-hh-m...you're still here!'

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"

'I'm new here. What type of retirement plan do they offer?'

"There's a worry that if we impose rules on hedge funds they may leave the UK..."