Pension Pondering Protagonist Pillows

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'Mom says she has a souffl

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

Retirement Issues

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'