Pension Plan Prankster Pillows

"It's a real pleasure to do business with you..."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"I'm in here...reallocating Dad's retirement account into junk bonds."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"That sweet raise everybody's been excited about is finally here. Enjoy it!"

'The bad news is you've lived well beyond your expiration date.'

"Mrs. Oliphant, what is the company policy on our company policy?"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"Let the minutes show we're not taking the pension fund and putting it all on the 2.30 at Newmarket."

Man's house has sign reading 'Sod the council'. His neighbour says: 'Frankly, I'm amazed you got planning permission.'

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

"Show-off!"

Happy Retirement

'The bank want to be sure that I don't vanish and forget the loan repayment...'

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

"I'm not a rule breaker, but the no eye blinking is going to be a tough one."

Colin was always looking for new ways to communicate complex financial products.

Bank Checking and Savings. It's a new policy, sir --- There's a substantial penalty for any kind of withdrawal.

'Well, what if I were the last HETEROSEXUAL man on earth?'

"By the way, your insurance doesn't cover these tests...JUST KIDDING! That was the stress test."

'Insure your desert island for as little as.....'

'The numbers should look better this quarter since they've been photoshopped.'

'Ok, how many hours of community service for Murder One?'

'OK, give him a shove.'

'We're both collecting Social Security. But my husband supplements our income by losing money in the stock market.'

"He's retired, which means too much husband and not enough money."

"May I please have a signed receipt so I can write off the loss on my taxes?"

'Honey, do you want to marry...umh... Honey?'

"People whine on about NEST being to expensive for businesses with less than ten employees...but it's all nonsense! There won't be any businesses with less than ten staff!"

First Infidelity Investments

'Right, now put it all in my savings account.'

He usually doesn't like math, but he loves doing payroll deductions.

"It's in your insurance policy - I have to operate with one hand tied behind my back..."