Penguin Philosopher Gifts

Life isn't just black and white.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Could I ask just one question?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

Pigeon Little

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Philosopher trading cards.

'After you grade my report, may I have my intellectual property back?'

"Nicole’s parents celebrated her curious mind, even in those moments when it really depressed them."

"If everything is God's will, tell me again why I need to study for exams?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Young Galileo

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

Casual Friday at the Zoo. Penguins.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

"It's one thing for the National Commission to comment on the quality of teaching in our schools. It's another thing entirely for you to stand up and call Mr. Costello a yo-yo."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'He's into Proust as only a child can be.'

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'