Penalty Ponders Gifts

Extreme Sisyphus

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Remember that outfit, Miss Wilson, that you said you wouldn't be seen dead wearing?'

Man In The Stocks Used As A Clock

'Half-time, full-time - It's gone into penalties, woman!'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

'You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!'

Penalty

"Look,we'll settle this on penalties, not an American style shoot out."

'Holding! Number 74 on the offense!... Fifteen years to life in prison...'

"Seven bookings and four sendings off, and that was just in the queue for pies."

Man to lady: 'Prisons are overcrowded, so we're seeing more sentences of timeout instead.'

'He's got one more minute alone in the penalty box with my mother.'

'Uh-oh. That's the 'special' whistle. ... This is going to be a major penalty.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

The Flying Pig: Free drinks (if England win on penalties)

"Right, the first thing we're going to practise is rolling around, clutching our legs and crying in the penalty box."

"How do you feel about plea bargaining?"

"Watch this bloke, lads, if there's a hole in the wall he'll find it."

Footballer.

I Do Not have OCD

'Well, you're right, you're not touching the ball with your hands, so the Ref can't penalize you...'

"Er...Eric..."

"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."

'If it's any consolation, us getting sent to the Principal's office is now trending on Twitter.'

'Which section, guilty, innocent, or framed?'

'He's one of the strictest referees in the competition...'

"I got a no TV for a week in math, a no dessert for a month in history, and a just wait 'til your father gets home in social studies."