Peanut Ponderer T-Shirts

"It's not you – it's my anaphylaxis."

"I think I'm allergic to peanuts."

"Are there any peanuts in this?"

"He just realized that Ken Burns will never make a ten-part series on any aspect of his life."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

"He has a terrible peanut elegy."

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Euro's down against the pound, dollars up against yen, pound is... what the hell don't expect cheap meals in France!'

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

"What do you have that justifies its calories?"

'If nothing sticks to Teflon, how come Teflon sticks to the pan?'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"Who's next?"

Sensitivity Training For Bulls.

"I wonder if he's talking to me?"

"What d'you say we try sneaking out before the last one?"

"He never outgrew his love of milk and cookies. He just added beer and peanuts."

This could be interesting...

Square root of chicken is egg.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

"I don't mind being butchered. But I can't stand the thought of my legs going in one box, my breast in another, my wings in another. . ."

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

"You're all on rations, due to the ironic rise in the cost of chicken feed."

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

'Happy Xmas!'