Pay Raise Ponderer Pillows

'We haven't had a chance to formally consult everyone about the pay offer yet...'

Man to man: 'I turned down a raise because I'm afraid of heights.'

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Firing is too good for you, Mike. I'm going to give you MY job instead!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

If you can't afford the milk you drink, there are options. I can put you on a payment plan. Minimal APR since you're such a valued customer. Valued?! You hardly treat me like I'm valued, you miser! YOU TREAT ME WITH CONTEMPT! Good point. Maximum APR, then.

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

"Mom, I got the raise. They moved me to the second floor."

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'Gibson, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

Star Trek-the Older Generation. . .

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

Less is more.

'I want to discuss my salary!'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

'I may be an incurable optimist, but I think I can get a raise out of ol' J.P.'

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."