Pay Raise Ponderer Prints

'We haven't had a chance to formally consult everyone about the pay offer yet...'

Man to man: 'I turned down a raise because I'm afraid of heights.'

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Firing is too good for you, Mike. I'm going to give you MY job instead!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

"Apparently Wilbur hasn't gotten that raise. He's still hamming it up for the boss."

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"Mom, I got the raise. They moved me to the second floor."

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

'Gibson, find out what she does over there and offer her twice as much to do it over here.'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'I want to discuss my salary!'

Less is more.

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

'He's crazy. He wants $40,000 for that one dollar bill!'

'I may be an incurable optimist, but I think I can get a raise out of ol' J.P.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'