Pay Raise Ponderers Pillows

'It's called the 'Ask your boss for a raise' diet.'

The Jeopardy of Progress

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'How come, unlike some other bosses, you never surprise me with little promotions?'

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"Firing is too good for you, Mike. I'm going to give you MY job instead!"

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"The industry has agreed to take the pensions dashboard off our hands. . ."

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

"It drives me MAD when people whine about the amount top management get paid. . ."

Passing the Pension Time Bomb

'When bad 401ks happen to good people'

"The pension crisis prompted me to consider alternative invstments. Like Roulette."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

Retirement Issues

'No raise, but we can make your desk and chair one-inch taller.'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'I want to discuss my salary!'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

"The real trick will be enjoying retirement long enough before the Government goes belly up."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Sorry I can't pay your pension until I see gray hair. . . Oh yes, and you also get disability.'

"Walter Thruggins, My Life as a Pensions Adviser."