Pay Day Gifts

"She's always like this at this time of the month,short tempered, insecure,anxious,questioning why she does the job!" "PMT?" "Wageslip!"

'After deductions you owe us forty two pounds.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"I'm overpaid and underworked, but you don't see me complaining!"

"Whose turn is it to lick the knife?"

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Casual Payday."

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

Man posting letter to the IRS.

"These are 'small bucks,' Josh. You have to work here a long time to get the 'big bucks'."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Whadya know, we're being audited."

"Here's your paycheck. I hope we'll both find it amusing."

'I've reconsidered your request for a pay rise, and I've decided that you do deserve one after all.'

Payroll Dept. My economic anxiety has less to do with the weak dollar than the week's dollars! (Published originally on March 14, 2008.)

'Your heart's not in the job - admit you're only doing it for the money!'

'Oh, that's a deduction to pay for management perks.'

"60 Fortune 500 companies paid no federal taxes last year. . . meanwhile, thanks to a lack of funding, I no longer get dessert in my meals on wheels."

I.R.S.: 'All's fair in love & taxes'.

"He can afford a bigger cage. His old tax forms line the bottom."

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

'Stare at it all you want sir, but I can assure you, no one is going to jump out and yell 'April Fools.'

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

"Welcome! As a socially responsible company we love to hire women!"