Pawsome Jokester Gifts

"Jeez, Charlie. . . as if the cone isn't humiliating enough!"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I offer emotional support and companionship for those with PTSD." "I detect cancer and other human diseases by scent detection." "I squeak-fart when startled."

Dog fetching clown shoes.

'I said 'barium,' not 'bury him'!'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'Sit, Rollover, Heel'

"Teach me not to care."

Leaving cards.

"Well, there goes your theory of him thinking of you as his pack leader."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

'Tender and Juicy.'

Dogs at Dog Show Judging the Judges.

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

Summer Reading

"An olive or a twist?"

"If you like the baby pictures you should see the 'Making Of' video!"

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'Hi, my name's Bernard and I'm an alcoholic...'

'Yes, it is a 'wonderful discovery'. But whatever you do, don't touch it!'

"With the right training an enterprising young man like yourself could do well in white-collar crime."

'Question number one: Does your wife ask you questions from women's magazines?'

'Begging at the table again, eh?'

'So far, I've lost three pounds on the Ratkins Diet!'

'He's a great dog...a bit of a drooler though.'

'It's just a bit of pond weed tied to my bottom but it makes me feel so much younger!'