Patriotic Pranksters Gifts

American Flag Trick

'No, not your Uncle Sam. The Uncle Sam!'

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

Under New Management. Actually, Betsy, we were hoping for a flag with a little more style.

Uncle Donnie

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

For the last time, Bobby, I told you – every other person gets the red cup with the placebo. Lemonade 50¢.

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

F1 - Quit Smoking.

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

'What do you mean you can't find the key?'

'Looks like someone got their bags mixed up at daycare drop-off.'

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

'Too proud to wear glasses, Bob gets what's coming to him.'

Back to the Holidays

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

"I'm ready to play Hide and go Seek."

'No problem Mr. Billings, just drop your shorts and let me take a sniff around there.'

Children in a Nursery.

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

Hide and Seek

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

"Shouldn't hide treats in your back pocket with a dog that big."

The less celebrated, but still spectacular, combover eagle.

"So there's this big Mother...."

I love this age: Old enough to know better, young enough to get away with it. Ketchup.

Children must be accompanied by an adult.

Modern animal communication

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

'Peabody, Yomp, Lee, Brodski & Dirkshaw...buddies since 4th grade.