Paternity Leave Planner Pillows

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Ahhh...'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Mr. & Mrs. Stickfigure are expecting twins.

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

Babies.

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

Baby name suggestions.

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

"We need to find another fall activity to do with the kids."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

Maternity ward.

"I'm going to need more minutes. I'm texting for two now!"

"I didn't realise it could be so complicated!"

"What's this about having time off to spawn?"

Frog Baby Names

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

"It's a Facebook Friend Request."

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

"Irma, cancel all my appointments for the next 3 weeks, I need to go home to brood. Tell the board to only contact me on my mobile phone..."

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

'Help me, sir... I want to save my last sip of lemonade, but it doesn't work!'

Please take a number.