Pastors Gifts

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

"See what we missed. . .? I told you that we should have gone to church yesterday!!"

"Sinead?!"

"Building fund not going well, Reverend?"

"Oh. . . and this one, Jerimiah 19.9 'And I will make them eat the flesh or their sons and daughters'."

"We'd like to talk to you about corona."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Jesus, walking on top of the water does not count as a bath."

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'I had to have my pacemaker readjusted since I asked Jesus into my heart.'

Jesus in the 'Lost and Found'.

"Gas prices have forced the pastor to economize."

Baptismal hot tub.

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Church Pastor Paul Lucas - NOW IN 3D

Pastor Charles - also known as 'Charlie Chaplain'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Staff support"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."