Pastors Pillows

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

"See what we missed. . .? I told you that we should have gone to church yesterday!!"

"Sinead?!"

"Building fund not going well, Reverend?"

"Oh. . . and this one, Jerimiah 19.9 'And I will make them eat the flesh or their sons and daughters'."

"We'd like to talk to you about corona."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Jesus, walking on top of the water does not count as a bath."

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

'Sorry, pastor, your soul's grace period is eternity, your car's is six minutes.'

'I had to have my pacemaker readjusted since I asked Jesus into my heart.'

Jesus in the 'Lost and Found'.

"Gas prices have forced the pastor to economize."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Church Pastor Paul Lucas - NOW IN 3D

"Staff support"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"