Evangelical Pastor Gifts

"Staff support"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Ghostwriting the Bible

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

Fishing with God

Early Piety

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"All we have left is standing room only."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

TSA Noah

A surprise in heaven

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"