Pastoral Gifts

'The grass over in the meadow looks better. I wish somebody would lead off.'

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Ghostwriting the Bible

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

God Sneezes Out Creation

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

Early Piety

Fishing with God

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"All we have left is standing room only."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

TSA Noah

Church Library - Pop-Up Books

A surprise in heaven

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"