Preachers Gifts

"Excuse me, sir - do you have a minute to listen to the dream I had last night?"

"Sinead?!"

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

Church Pastor Paul Lucas - NOW IN 3D

"Gas prices have forced the pastor to economize."

BIBLE STORIES, 'This is full of battle and other BOY stuff - not a single romantic comedy!'

'Hello? Al's Round the World Tours?'

'This will be the second marriage for both of us, so give it your best shot.'

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

Sermon: '...and on the eighth day he created creationists.'

"See what we missed. . .? I told you that we should have gone to church yesterday!!"

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Night-time halo

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Thou Shalt Not!

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

Dogma

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'