Pastor Appreciation Gifts

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

Shepherd and eurydice

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Staff support"

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Life is great' down on the farm.

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Could I ask just one question?"

Ghostwriting the Bible

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

Fishing with God

Early Piety

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'