Party Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'I'm turning fifty, balding and thirty pounds overweight. Quite frankly, I can't think of anything scarier than that'

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

Complementary Beverages

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

War of Words

'But the invitation says 'come as you are'.'

"He left with two other slices of bread, turkey, bacon, lettuce and toothpicks. I think they went clubbing."

Virtual Lap Dancing

'Hello, my name is Death'

RIP: Here lies the last remains of civility and honesty in the political process.

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Harpy Hour."

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

Good Christians should be willing to die for President Trump."

"Oi, who are you bleedin' looking at?"

'Pander to voters? Me?'

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

'This is a really low budget approach to stopping illegal immigration.'

'I think you may have misunderstood the invitation when it said 'Black Tie Only'!'

''Increase education funding'? -- You want the people to get SMART?'

'Harold gets his birthday wish!'

'Your husband has...charisma? Oh we had one - but the big end kept going.'