Party Humor Fans Pillows

"Wait. . . man, I totally forgot what I was gonna say."

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

Girl in cow onesie.

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'Guess who's teething?'

Complementary Beverages

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

"Sorry, coffee is delivered by a union shop and you banned all things union."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'Henry, cut that out.'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

Beer Lunch

Under New Mismanagement

"What?!"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

Make your own bottled water.

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

Sawrd Fighting

"He left with two other slices of bread, turkey, bacon, lettuce and toothpicks. I think they went clubbing."

Pastoral Choirs

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."